The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~Rumi
Not only is the poem lovely, it can also be some really good advice. Humans have a natural instinct to run towards pleasure and happiness and run away from sorrow and pain. We expend a lot of energy trying to protect ourselves from feeling distress. But what if I said that sometimes, if not alot of times, it's by embracing and confronting the negative that you can become more okay with it, less anxious, and decrease its impact on your life? We've all heard the phrase, "running away from your problems," and we all know that typically those problems tend to catch up with you (if they were ever even gone for a moment to begin with).
True confession here. I’m guilty of getting a speeding ticket in the mail and allowing my shame to take over my rational brain to the point where I avoided feeling the distress so much so that I neglected to open the ticket until payment was late and I owed $200 rather than the initial $100! Ugh, that was a crappy day. Honestly, it was a crappy couple of months because, in truth, the fact that I hadn’t opened the ticket was occupying a ton of space in the back of my mind at all times. I was trying to pretend that I was free of distress while, in truth, that nagging, gnawing worry was always there, robbing me of being truly present in the joys I was experiencing. I share this to illustrate the point that it’s practically instinctual for our brains to want to protect us from pain but ironically, that instinct unchecked can result in even greater pain down the road.
A lovely side product of embracing the negative as well as the positive is that over time the negative seems to diminish a bit, leaving you generally happier than you were when you were desperately clutching at happiness. It can be tough to do and feels a bit wacky to think of actually welcoming with open arms our trials and tribulations. Often we put so much energy into denying those things or pretending they don’t exist, all the while living with the anxiety that they may rear their ugly heads tomorrow. How much of a relief might it be not to have to expend all that energy in fear and instead directing it towards dealing with our pain and suffering? It’s not easy to do, it requires bravery and intention but it is possible. Try it out in small ways at first and as you get the hang of it and build confidence in your ability to directly confront pain, apply this philosophy in other areas of your life and see what happens - you may be surprised to find that what once was terrifying really isn’t that big of a deal after all!
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