You may be rocking your baby to sleep for what feels like the 18th time in one single night, delirious from lack of sleep, frustrated that your baby is still awake, and guilty for not loving every second of being a parent. You’re not alone, this can be a relatively common experience, but does the fact that other parents are similarly stressed make your distress any easier to bear? Sadly, no.
Before you give birth, most people have some vague understanding that postpartum life will probably be exhausting, emotionally and physically. But it’s not until you’re actually in it that it becomes all too real. Despite the beauty and perfection of those dreamy, softly lit infant photoshoots, postpartum life more typically looks like bags under your eyes, cold coffee, spit up on your clothes, piles of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away, supportive (read: unsexy) underwear, sore nipples, unwashed bottles, boredom, and an amazon cart perpetually being filled with innumerable baby items filled with the promise (desperate hope) that THIS product will make life easier. Don’t get me wrong, there will likely be moments of joy and gratitude, especially as your baby gives you their first smile, first laugh, first fart, or first hiccups. These moments make all the work feel worthwhile, at least, for a hot second, and then you may find yourself diving right back into feeling lonely and unhappy. All of this is to say that it is normal to feel stressed after giving birth. It’s normal not to love every moment of being a parent. It’s normal even to have flashes of regret for having a child. None of these thoughts means you’re not a good parent or that you don’t love your baby. All this means is that you’re a human being doing really hard, nearly impossible, things and struggling with the transition to parenthood. Does the normalcy of it all mean that you should just suck it up and forge ahead unsupported and alone? Obviously not.
In this post, I’m specifically speaking to the legions of parents out there who are struggling through postpartum stress. It may seem pretty obvious that persons dealing with conditions such as postpartum depression, anxiety, rage, OCD, bipolar, trauma, etc should seek the support of psychotherapy, psychiatry, doulas, and other support professionals. It may be less obvious that folks struggling through the stress of postpartum whose symptoms may not rise to the level of being diagnosable mental health conditions also deserve to seek physical, mental, and emotional support. To be clear, this shit is hard! While you may not find yourself unexpectedly crying off and on, you may still be struggling with figuring out who you are as a person, a parent, a partner, or an employee. You may be staring off into space as you mindlessly bounce or shush your baby wondering if you’ll ever recognize or love your body again. You may be extra irritable with your partner or be wondering where your sex drive disappeared to or if you’ll ever find it again. You don’t have to go through this alone, you deserve emotional support, and if it makes you feel any less guilty about it - taking the time to take care of yourself, even if that means stepping away from your baby for a moment, is an act of love and care for the sake of your family.
I’ll close out this post with a link to a podcast hosted by a woman I’ve partnered with in the past, doula extraordinaire, Kaely Harrod. Kaely is a kind, compassionate, nurturing doula who I wholeheartedly recommend if you are looking for a birth or postpartum doula. I recently joined her on her podcast in which we discussed the differences between normal postpartum stress and postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. Listen people, this was my first time being on a podcast, honestly, I can’t even really listen to it because it makes me cringe too much! And yet, here I am broadcasting it on my own blog… So, take a listen if you’d like!
https://www.harroddoulaservices.com/kaely-daily-podcast/how-do-i-distinguish-between-normal-postpartum-stress-and-distress
If this post speaks to you or someone you love, learn more and don’t hesitate to reach out to our practice. Our therapists are here to hold your pain and distress with you.